Crystal Bella Read online

  Ethan could understand women. He had a beautiful mother who made him see and appreciate their beauty. He could see the chauvinism in life and didn’t like it, the way certain men felt they were superior based on their gender, usually older men who appeared to pass it down to the next generation. But maybe it was slowly filtering out from the next generation to the next. Awareness first then change Ethan seemed to sense. The person Ethan adored most in this world was his mom, so it came natural to respect and honor the beauty in women. They were adored in the Celtic times, honored and seen for their goddess-like beauty and now it seemed the world had made it stop and had tried to make them subservient to a stubborn male regime in a lot of fields. Ethan could understand why his mom waited for the right man. The man had to be sensitive and beautiful and truly see and appreciate the goddess within her.

  Ethan adored and appreciated the femininity that surrounded him. It was the other half of himself that in this life he didn’t have and so was deeply attracted. The part he could not fully touch on his own. He was male in this life and no matter how complete he felt, the opposite of himself, the female that he was not, was what he truly desired from a heart level and a physical one.

  Ethan knew the soul was mixture of feminine and masculine energy. Deeply he pined for that female quality to make the completion of him in this world. This knowing made Ethan appreciate the exquisiteness in woman as he deeply knew why he was so attracted to their essence. He could see their attractiveness in the deepest form because his soul craved the part that in this life he didn’t possess fully. He often thought to himself when he could see how some women looked, the ones that had the purity of their souls revealed and their physical features and nuances of their beauty fully shining, if they could see how gorgeous they were and then know how it would appear to a pure man. If they thought they were beautiful just imagine how the other half that needs their beauty sees them.

  Ethan and Christian walked into the cafe and sat down as Natasha came over. Green dress, big eyes, beautiful smile, though she was not smiling right now. Ethan felt that heavy feeling in his stomach, seeing her looking so beautiful made him nearly ill, where once it would make him feel in love and glow, it now had the opposite effect. The beauty gave him pain now. He knew he could never really tell this to anyone, only his mom or Christian and Carl, but most would just judge and Ethan loathed that, to be judged. He looked happy and composed but Natasha’s beauty made his heart nearly hurt. It had been six months since they had broken up but he still had feelings. Within all that, a part of him knew he had to harden up. Well, not harden up, humans were too hard already, just mature with his sensitivity and become stronger.

  “What can I get you?” Natasha asked.

  “Just a coffee thanks,” Ethan replied.

  Then Christian jumped in.

  “Hi, Natasha lovely to see you.” They both looked at each other knowing he was not serious. “I’ll have the same thanks.”

  “Sure.”

  Then Christian couldn’t help himself. Natasha liked her jewelry and on her wrists today in that rock star way she had plenty. She also had a necklace, it was quite conservative for her but elegant. It simplified her style and gave her a womanly, appealing look. Like Ethan she leaned towards edgy but sometimes she liked to look pretty and elegant or just show her untouched beauty. They were pearls, a pearl necklace really and enough ammunition for Christian.

  “Nice pearl necklace, Natasha a gift from Ethan?”

  Natasha is a strong woman, deep down she doesn’t really trust men. You could say she is a feminist and when sensing anything that is trying to pull her down as a woman and coming from a man she will react and protect herself with everything. With defiance and good comical timing she said.

  “I would compliment you on your pearl necklace, Christian but you’ve already wiped yours off after Ethan came all over you in the car park.”

  Ethan looked amused and said, “I promise, Christian I didn’t do that while you were sleeping in my car…there just wasn’t enough room. Can we just have our coffees please Pearl? ahh Natasha?”

  “You’re such an asshole,” she said, looking directly into Ethan’s eyes.

  “You started it,” he said, staring back at her.

  “No I didn’t, that dickhead friend there started it saying stories you told him.”

  “I didn’t tell him anything, you just got paranoid because you’re wearing a pearl necklace....”

  Ethan should have stopped there, but he didn’t, he was getting a little tired of being so nice and diplomatic all the time, so he added...

  “And you walk funny.”

  “What do mean walk funny?”

  “When I was finished with you, you used to walk funny.”

  Natasha looked Ethan right in the eye. The times they had made love, her past and him making light of their romance, made her blood boil. Like Ethan she still had strong feelings too, she had to remain strong and get even, especially since he was a male. She started to walk away quietly. As she walked off Ethan felt a bit mean, he still cared about her and he didn’t like to see her sad, but before Ethan could even delve into that emotional softness of his, she turned around and so the whole cafe could hear shouted out.

  “Did he tell you how he likes to get fucked up the ass!?”

  The whole cafe almost stopped. This drop dead gorgeous woman, nearly popping out of her dress in the most proper, elegant way was shouting these outrageous things at two customers. Everyone was watching, looking at Ethan. Natasha could have said anything with that appearance and it would have got the whole cafe’s attention. In a light way Ethan wanted to pull her away in private and say, ‘you put your finger there during sex, I didn’t ask for that!’

  But for now he had the whole cafe looking at him. He had to react fast and knew the best thing would be to pass it onto Christian.

  “She’s talking about him,” he said, at the same time pointing to Christian. There was about five seconds of just looking. The cafe crowd looking at Christian and Ethan and them looking back. Then the chit chat noise of the cafe started again, Ethan thought, phew, back to normal. Christian looked at him.

  “You okay? You got fucked up the ass?” he was laughing.

  “No! She just makes shit up like that.”

  “You two are like a karmic whirlwind.”

  “Yeah, she’s just mental some days. Try and be with someone like that, it’s not easy.”

  “She came out pretty strong.”

  “I know, I do like her for that. I wish she was just plain Jane in the way she looked, then I could move on easier. I’m not being shallow, she says all that shit and I still think she looks amazing. What’s wrong with me?!”

  Christian consoles with a smile and cheekily said, “it’s just chemistry man, a connection, a soul connection.”

  “I said to my mom today, she’s so hot and cold. It’s that mix of love and having something less than love mixed within that.”

  “Sorry I didn’t mean to trigger her emotions, but the pearl necklace, I had to say something, then she tries to say I have one! I was very offended by that.” They laughed.

  “That’s what makes romance hard isn’t it? When you are in that position of love and they possess something that isn’t pure and you are left with attenuated love.”

  “It’s all good bro, it’s just part of life, finding out what you do want, and what you don’t, and moving on from what you don’t.”

  Natasha returned with a cloth and wiped the table down and nonchalantly Christian said, “thanks, Pearl.”

  “You’re welcome, cum face.”

  “Why are you being mean to Christian?” Ethan asked, in a light way.

  “Just reflecting what he gives me. It’s the same with you, Ethan I give back what you give me.”

  “I feel you don’t want peace sometimes, you’re just finding a reason to explode and you don’t even realize it.”

  “Ethan I didn’t explode, I just defended myself against y
our shit. We see each other and we are rarely present. The past keeps coming up, and I just don’t like seeing you. I admit it, I react.”

  “Well, sorry for saying you walk funny, you don’t really, I just made that up.... and some memories are nice to remember.”

  “You’re talking about fucking me?”

  “Maybe.”

  Natasha just stared at Ethan. He stared back in a moment of feeling sad, lust, wanting, pain and a past. The complication of tainted love and they both could feel it.

  ~~~~

  Ethan closed the front door of his house and ran to his car. It was late morning and he was running a little late for class. His Jeans were ripped to threads and he had a black singlet on. He had four necklaces. One had all these pictures on it, a car, a girl, an angel and an eagle all on a chunky metal plate attached to his chain. Ethan was still pulling his singlet over his head as he jumped into his car. Key in the ignition, turned, and away he went. Again he felt something special in the air, that time when you just want to party and have fun.

  Christian’s road was coming up. He saw the corner and took it fast. The noise was loud. When Ethan took it too quickly the weight ratio of the car would be out of balance for a moment and shake, one side to the next. It was almost poor driving, but it certainly had an effect. But when he took those corners, in such an extreme manner, the car was sometimes hard to gather control again, but he always did manage to pull it back into balance. Ethan remembered doing this with one of his local younger cousins when he was younger and his cousin commented on the look on Ethan’s face. At the time Ethan was burning around a corner, after he got around it his cousin said, “you have this funny look on your face when you go around corners fast, Ethan.”

  Ethan didn’t say anything, but the pace he applied sometimes to get around a bend made him go, fuck within and clearly he pulled a face to go with it.

  Christian was waiting on the footpath. As Ethan arrived, he drove towards Christian on the road, but he kept driving, as to pass him. Ethan was looking ahead as if he hadn’t seen Christian, but Christian knew his tricks and didn’t react. Just as Ethan was about 10 feet away from Christian he slammed his brakes on and they locked up. Smoke went up in the air as he came to a halt, Christian opened the door.

  “Just testing the brakes man,” Ethan said with a big smile.

  “It stinks of tires man, burnt ones,” Christian said waving smoke from his face. Christian jumped in and they drove down the road and headed on their journey to college. It usually took them 20 minutes or so.

  They pulled into the college car park. There were quite a few cars with students coming and going. They jumped out and Ethan scanned around to look at everyone. For a moment he saw a girl that got his attention, she was blond, pouty mouth. He knew immediately he didn’t know her but of course she had triggered the memory of Natasha.

  “You okay?” Christian asked.

  “Yeah, all good.”

  The day was young, Ethan could feel the energy and the state of his feelings, the essence of himself. He was feeling high today and wanted to indulge in it. The layers of life, sometimes he had to just sit with it for a moment to understand what he was feeling, to understand whether he was feeling melancholy towards himself, or was it something outside of life, or just the emotional tides of this flowing life. Ethan was feeling so alive and was still feeling that almost high feeling, but the Natasha trigger made him go within for a moment and feel more deeply and come down slightly too. Sometimes all Ethan wanted to do was laugh and have fun but there was a depth within him that made him feel melancholic sometimes. He knew he could be light as a feather, and could love like no other, but there was an edge to him, some sort of Goth edge that rippled within him and made him sometimes want to nearly scream. Truth was Ethan could feel his soul, the emotions of this life, but also many lives before in his highly sensitive body and heart. He was like a magnet to all these deep feelings. To be in a continued deep, flowing, peaceful, bliss was not really possible in this earth plane when you had a heart, a soul, a past, a past life and a human mind. The full moon always amplified Ethan’s emotions. He could always feel it coming, three days to go, two, one day to go, then the full moon. He found himself more emotional on that night, and when he first came to realize this, he looked back on the last few full moons and sure enough his behavior was usually more risky than normal. Usually relating to girls and going back to something that he knew he shouldn’t be doing; that random encounter and those high emotions used to pull him into the direction of that heightened buzz and need. The need to be fulfilled in that emotional and bodily way.

  As Ethan and Christian entered the university’s open grounds, they saw Carl, their other best friend. All three had been best friends since they were children. Carl had blond, fluffy, curly hair, cute as a button really. He was quite skinny and he liked to smoke his rollies. Carl was always so easy going. A very chilled, young man.

  They all walked into the corridor that weaved through campus. They always liked walking through here, the odd chit chat to the passing people on the way through. They felt popular and special and to walk through and socialize was always part of the fun. They were really here for fun, study was the by product that they had to do.

  Christian saw the glance of a girl that he knew. He knew that look, but he also knows her. She wanted something and it shined in her eyes. Like a bee to honey he is over to her in a flash.

  “I’ll be back in a moment,” he said to Carl and Ethan. They stood by the lockers in the corridor.

  “He’s probably more busy than normal, the university party is coming up,” Carl said.

  “I like the theme, heaven, hell,” Ethan replied.

  “Cool Theme.”

  “Indeed.”

  Christian was talking to the girl. She was cute, sweet and bright. Probably too sweet for him, would be the initial assessment, or he is probably a little rough for her, that would be the surface at a glance. Though Christian knows opposites attracts. But for now she just wanted some drugs, some weed.

  “Hi, Christian.”

  “Hi, Amelia.”

  “Thanks for being so intuitive,” she paused, “just the same, can I have two please.”

  “Sure that will be 10 each.”

  “Weed?” she said, making sure they were reading between the lines correctly.

  “Of course, unless you’ve become more heavy in the last few weeks.”

  Amelia laughed. In the most discreet way she handed Christian a 20 and he gave her two tinnies. They stared at one another for a moment. Christian looked at her beauty, the sweet face, her agile frame and the rich girl with something different. He said bye and headed back to Carl and Ethan.

  They started walking together towards their class. Today was Tuesday and every Tuesday they played cards, Texas Hold’em. They all loved it, especially Ethan who tried to use his psychic powers to win, read the game, read the thoughts of others. It’s a jovial game. 10 dollars each only, but the winner gets the win which for some reason meant a lot. They really get into it, Ethan turned to his friends in a slight twirl.

  “So Poker tonight?”

  “Yes, it will be at my place tonight. We’ll start around seven. Any predictions?” Carl asked.

  Ethan smiled, looks intensely for a moment in what looked like thin air, or can he see something in that intense stare of his?

  “Hmm I will win,” he said, “Christian comes second.” Carl laughed.

  “We will see future boy.”

  As they walked slowly up the hall towards their class Ethan had that physical feeling when it hits the body in the stomach, it was Natasha. Again her beauty strikes him like a weapon. She was looking different today. Her hair was tied up. She looked exquisite, not too different from a porcelain doll in her clear features but with life and vitality. She was standing upright like she knew how beautiful she was and the effect it can have on everyone around her. Today she had got Ethan by surprise, just by her change of appearance. She w
as usually more edgy but today she had formed a new look that was nearly intimidating. Ethan quickly focused and delved into his emotions, into his heart. He could sense her beauty but he didn’t have to whimper to it. He could allow the immediate impact of seeing her, her beautiful, her untouched look to resonate within him, but also remain at one with his deeper self. He could see her with all her shine, adore her from the past, listen to his emotions but remain free without ignoring a thing. In the past he used to walk past her and feel like he needed to cry afterwards.